giving thanks

Last year, I wrote a very brief post on Thanksgiving. Little did anyone but Greg and I know, our “little family” was growing. We had known for about ten days that we were pregnant and it certainly kicked off the holidays with an extra bit of cheer. We strategized how we’d hide my not drinking at his mom’s house that day and were super excited that we’d see all three of our families in the same week (besides at our wedding, that has never happened) just after our first appointment. Thanksgiving and Christmas were looking good.

However, as I’ve mentioned (and you can probably gather that I’m not actually 12 months pregnant at this point), that didn’t work out so well. The day after Thanksgiving things started to look bad and by Saturday night we were in the ER, spending an easy $1500 only to learn that we wouldn’t actually be parents quite yet. The only part I’m still bitter about is the $1500 out of pocket we paid (of the nearly $4000 bill) for two hours in the ER.

It was rough. Trying to be happy all during the Christmas season was a marathon. Looking back a year later though, I can see the silver lining. I honestly don’t know how true that would be if I wasn’t sitting here trying to type over my big belly. It would certainly be harder to accept, but I hope that I would be able to see how 2014 has been transformative.

I made it through Christmas and went in to the new year determined to be happy. And I’m pretty good at doing what I set my mind to. One thing that hugely helped was Ali Edward’s One Little Word project. I picked “cheer”. I just wanted to be cheerful again. Focusing on that word somehow helped me find my way back. But I not only found my way back, I found my way forward, too.

I got an email in mid January, just as I was starting to feel normal again, from NTA (the Nutritional Therapy Association). I had signed up for their mailing list at least a year before but deleted the messages when they came through. Usually with the thought of “I can’t actually make a career in nutrition, I’m a consultant” or something similar.

This time though, I checked it out a little more. A Seattle session for Nutritional Therapy Practitioner training was starting the following week. And I thought, why not? Why can’t I do this? The thing I thought I could control is out of my hands, so maybe I’m looking at it all wrong. Somehow, the devastation of a situation I had no control over combined with my determination to not let it bring me down anymore (and a husband who backed the idea 100% with about two text messages worth of information), gave me the courage to step way out of my comfort zone.

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It would be amazing to be sitting here writing some sort of Thanksgiving post with our five month old napping next to the doodle. But that’s not my story.

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My story is anticipation for the little member of our family who will be joining us in three months.IMG_6519

It’s excitement for the business that is now official(!) that I’m going to build.

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It’s knowing that even if these were the only two family members ever to join me in this little family, I’m a very lucky girl.

This year I’m going to be thankful for all the usuals, like my husband and my doodle and my family and my friends and my freedom and my scrambled eggs. But also for all the things I can’t control. For the unknowns. For the possibilities that I haven’t even thought of yet. And even for the crappy times that might be required to find those possibilities.

I hope you all have a wonderful day with whomever you are spending it with. If this is a tough year, I hope that you find the grace and perseverance you need to make it through. And maybe just a bit of your dad’s expensive pinot (go ahead and ask any family member about my amazing performance on Christmas Eve last year…).

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